romantic tv teaches me 2 lessons

1. there is a local news anchor named rod wood. (in the same vein, i watched part of moonstruck on sunday and the original music was provided by dick hyman.) i am 12 years old.

2. a man was on a talk show because he kept getting his wife pregnant to trap her in the marriage. one of the ways he did this was having sex with her while she slept.


STEVE

Steve reveals how it happened. "She can be a pretty heavy sleeper at times. I thought it would be fun to see if I could do it without waking her up," he explains. "My motive wasn't to get her pregnant. I was just loving her and being her husband. I don't want Mary to feel like she's been violated."

idiot savant

you know when you leave a comment on someone's blog and it has the confirmation letters that are supposed to trick a spam robot, but not a human? i often feel as though i am being tested for some sort of retardation. i often fail. maybe i am a robot. or a retarded robot.

happy thanksgiving!

another story from my flight (death fantasy!)

there was also some really obnoxious woman on the final leg of my flight. she was one of those spoiled ugly old women that are trying to dress like they are much younger. she was talking so loud that even with earplugs i couldn't ignore her conversation. i learned that she paid $1300-1500 for each of her 3 dogs, but she just considers them pets (although they are all award winning! she is quick to point out.) i learned that she has a 20 year old daughter who shared a bed with her until she was 11 years old. i learned about her failed marriage (i wonder why?). i learned an hour worth of loud things about this beast. she is talking to the perfect stranger sitting next to her on the plane, by the way. when we have to turn the plane around after an hour of sitting on the runway so that a mechanic can look over the "irregularities" in the cabin door, she starts screeching about how she wants off the plane. she tells the stewardess to let her off, goes back to her seat and calls someone at i assume her destination to tell them she isn't coming because she "doesn't want to die." she repeats this phrase louder and louder, over and over. like the rest of us are the assholes that can't wait for the sweet embrace of death at 20,000 feet. like i am the dumb fuck that wants to be sucked out of the cabin door. by sitting there and calmly waiting to find out if there is even a problem or not, the entire passenger list of the plane are irrational death-loving fucks. like airplane malfunctions don't happen every second and every single plane you fly hasn't been reworked in every capacity. some guy told her to shut up. he told her that she can do what she needs to do, but she shouldn't alarm everyone else with her comments. she got all offended and told him he shouldn't be listening to her private conversations. simultaneously that guy and another guy say "how can we not?" she shuts up and i love that guy. needless to say she didn't fly the flight and it was one of the few things that went right that day.

ill begotten cheese starring in "kreamery karma"

last week i realized i am completely immoral. also cheap. the agents of my downfall?
a block of cheese and a bottle of lotion. after leaving the grocery store i noticed that i had accidentally left the store without paying for a block of extra sharp cheddar cheese that would have cost $2.19. i remembered the price because it was the cheapest i could find. so i'm standing in the rain in the dark parking lot after spending an hour in the store and i rationalize that i am sick and tired and it's only $2.19. on the way home i try to think of ways i can make up for it the next time i shop, like buy something i don't need or not use a coupon i normally would and lame things like that. then i forget about it. once home, with groceries unloaded i start looking at my receipt. i notice that they charged me regular price ($7 something) for a bottle of lotion when it should have been on sale for $4 something. i actually start wondering if it's worth going back sometime to get reimbursed for the $3. wondering when i could go and if it was worth it and stuff like that. but seriously considering it. as $3 is money and money can be exchanged for goods and services and i like goods and services. then i cringe as i suddenly recall only 20 minutes earlier when i couldn't be inconvenienced to walk from the parking lot back into the store to pay for two dollars and nineteen cents worth of cheese. so i am a thief and a total cheapskate. but it is good to know where i stand. i am able to rationalize dishonesty and accidental but outright thievery, passiveness and moral flexibility when it serves my interests and selective pursuits of "justice" when it doesn't. i've always been the sort of person that looks at receipts to see if there are errors, but now i know that i do that to make sure i am not getting screwed, not to ensure overall fairness but only fairness for myself. it seems i don't mind if i am screwing the other guy. i can think about the corporation vs. the "poor" college student and such, but i still think it is revelatory and really shitty. i've always thought of myself as honest, but that appears to be quite gradient and flexible honesty doesn't really seem to be worth much. i am not paying for the cheese or getting reimbursed for the lotion. i will eat the delicious, dishonest cheese and moisturize my skin with the overpriced, smug lotion. i know this is a lame story and unimportant in a lot of ways but i've been thinking about it a lot.

flying is the shit or flying is shit or flying shit or shit.

long day of airline hilarity. numerous delays, missed flights, rebookings, mechanical malfunctions, plane reassignments. up at 4:15 am so i could putz about airline terminals and plane interiors for fruitless hours on end. i did get a free minibottle of vodka to silence my silent rage (jos: well actually, something silent would not need further silencing.) it beats covered wagons, right bitch? i am home and that is nice. now for sleep.

ninja secret power: illness

i have been sick all week and it seems to be getting worse rather than improving. i have been drinking tea like it's going out of style and watching so much very shitty tv. it started snowing yesterday for a while. icy wind and snow help my cold. i will be going home for thanksgiving in a week. anyone else hitting that shit? i will be in town for a whole week so if any of you jerks are around you should call me up. jerk.

give my regards to the elaborate frisking

i saw wolf parade play last week. it was a great show. several points of interest: before being allowed admittance, i was required to pass through three checkpoints showing my student ID and ticket stub at each. i also was forced to show the contents of my purse. i lied and told the woman that my pepper spray was mousse. who wears mousse anymore? do they even make it? she bought it. i got a bit of lame satisfaction from sticking it to her. this was right after i had been throughly frisked. it seemed like a fair trade. they don't even do that to everyone at the airport and this was an oncampus event. i should have offered to do her hair with my pepper spray while she was rubbing me.

one of the opening bands had a horrendous name: think about life. however, they made up for it in stage presence. BIG fat man singing, jiggling in a "steroid free body" sweatshirt, seriously convulsing and shaking it on and off the stage, bellyflopping, etc. skeletal drummer wearing only a pair of boy's shorts or possibly boxers with pockets, black socks and shoes, somewhat less skeletal drummer in a neon yellow cap and a shirt that involved something about "a gash". they all broke it down at the end of the show with a rap about school, which was my favorite part. i think i might have written a similar rap about school when i was in the fifth grade.

todd solondz gave a talk at school today, which i attended. unfortunately, i didn't see him speak except for a few minutes intro. they showed his film palindromes first... which would have been great otherwise, but it meant i had to leave before he even spoke. i have places to go, people to see, people. i go to a talk at 2, i figure the talk will take place at 2. instead i had to leave to go to work right after the film ended. it was really disturbing because i guess the talk/screening was taking place during an undergraduate seminar class. they kept laughing at wholly inappropriate times and saying things to the screen, inducing more laughter. most of the laughter was because one of the characters was fat, or maybe because two characters were having sex. it's not really the sort of movie where anyone should be highfiving. i felt like i was on a schoolbus.

tonight i am attending another visiting artist lecture with painter dotty attie. i have an individual critique with her tomorrow. i really should go paint before her talk. so that is what i will do.