working on racecars to raise awareness

i hope to hear from professor romance soon, even though i'm sure he busted the hurricane's lady-nuts. he called me as he was leaving town for the mandatory evacuation, so he didn't stay to watch it like last time.

welcome to my bee-laden tent! (alternately titled: usa tents osama bee-laden)

classes start monday. i went to a welcome fair today. welcome tent would perhaps be more appropriate. there was punch and muffins covered in bees. holy shit those bees love their muffins! i got some pamplets and a bottle opener keychain. the keychain will see the most use. i can't wait to get it home and start opening things. i'm not allowed to register for classes until tomorrow. that's right. the absolute first day i can register is not quite a full 3 days before classes start. thank god i got here a month early so i could sit on my ass, not accomplishing anything until the weekend classes start. this system is ridiculously designed. everything i need to do as a new student relies on my being registered for classes. they foully insure that all the same assholes are trying to do the same things over the same 3 days. what fuckmouths. there is a mandatory orientation today for new visual and performing arts graduate students . i am looking forward to that even though i know i really shouldn't. i'm guessing it will be useless and demeaning, but there has been such a lack of structure or official welcome since i got here i am thankful for what i can get at this point. i have been putting in hours at my assistantship at the drama department this week so i won't have to go in next week. my job seems like it will be pretty great. this week was mostly just getting me into the system and sort of introducing me to the job. essentially i will design all of the posters and programs for the drama department in exchange for full tuition and a stipend. it is a sweet, delicious deal and i can't believe i got this lucky. there is quite a bit more work involved in the process than i had anticipated, but i am actually looking forward to it. well, i must run and find some shorts with my school's name on the ass cheeks. i can't wait for my ass to finally get it's glory! back off mouth, you've had your turn! it's the bootie's time to get a word.

shine on fair rump. shine on.

my new friend

good lord. last night i was laying on my couch in the dark flipping through some tv before going to bed when i noticed movement above my head. my initial thought was that perhaps i had had too much to drink. second thought: a large moth had invaded my house and was about to hide in my closet and eat my clothes. third thought: okay that is a sparrow. how the hell did a swooping sparrow get in my house? fourth and most accurate observation: holy shit that is a swooping bat! it wants to bite my head and give me rabies! at the zoo i think bats are cute with their old man/baby monkey faces and little winged rat bodies. i'm not a scaredy cat! but in my house, dive bombing my head with great speed and vigor it gave my heart a heavy-handed adrenaline massage. i know it is more scared than me, but it was doing figure 8s around the house and giving me the finger. my fight or flight kicked in. i fought! after i beat senor bat in a competition of wits and flying ability, his pride was severely bruised and he was EAGER to leave! i opened the back door and clapped a few times, hoping that would attract his sonar reflexes. he flew right out into the night, highfiving me on the way. i think we are on okay terms.

my arms are sore and i'm full of berries

yesterday i went blueberry picking with some guys i've been hanging out with who are recent graduates of the mfa program here. it was great to be outside- it was an overcast day with a dramatic sky. i watched a large group of birds circling over a small river nearby, thought how beautiful they were and then realized they were probably following something about to die. still beautiful, but not just pretty anymore. it was nice to be alone in a big field just thinking about life and putting blueberries into a bucket.

afterwards we went kayaking in a lake nearby. we each rented our own kayak and got to it. again, nice to be alone in the middle of an open space with just my thoughts and the uncomplicated (at most times) action of paddling. i could have fallen asleep out there it was so relaxing. at one point we tried to explore a very shallow and narrow water path that strayed off of the lake. we only got so far into the swampiness of this inlet before we could go no further. the brush was too thick, the water was too shallow, we were really just paddling through sludge. it was so tight that to get myself out i had to push backward through the muck with my oar like i was a a venetian gondolier, except with swamp muck on me instead of suave sexuality and lip sores. it all would have been quite appropriate with some cliched dueling banjos. instead we had lots of frogs that were barking at us.

afterwards we had some amazing indian food in a nearby town in our filthy, filthy, soaking wet pants. to keep my hands clean i had to train myself to keep my hands off of my pants and the pants of others while i ate. it was extremely difficult and not without a few awkward moments. the night was finished off with two movies, coffee and cigarettes which i had wanted to see and another movie which falls under the predilection for bad movies that one of my new friends is a victim of. it involved gold-coated dicks.

move it like you like it

so i just moved from the midwest to the northeast. they are bitter rivals and i am torn by my love of each. i am torn asunder! i have been in my new home for almost two weeks. my first occupation was cleaning and unpacking. my mom and brother were here for a few days and we kept it real. now i am living the single life once more. i am remembering the fabulousness of solitary living and also the oddness. wednesday night i drank beer while doing pilates and watching a hank williams documentary on pbs. what a life i have! i can be limber and drink all of the time and i have no obligation to anyone, including myself. but that's also where i can see the isolation creep in. the fact that i could sit for days and do nothing but watch the people's court and it really would have the same effect on the world as if i drove around and looked at things or talked to people that i meet or read a book or painted. that's sort of depressing. i have been blessed (or cursed) with a few weeks of absolute free time before school starts and i can't say for certain what i am going to do with it. if i had heard myself bitching about such a thing a few weeks ago, i would have gone casual ninja on my own ass. it is a good thing, and i have no desire to complain. boredom births this blog.