bitter cold

they keep using the term bitter cold on the weather and it is true. i am in my home with the heat cranked up wearing a hat and two scarves. TWO! and a sweatercoat. SWEATERCOAT! it is truly bitter. when it snows here it is usually like being in a giagantic snow globe. the lake effect snow (as lovely associate of the year #1 pointed out) is a day to day occurance in these parts. it make this small ugly town look like a giant ugly snowglobe. it is good in many ways... the snow covers up much of the ugliness of the abandoned industrial nature of this place. it also very nicely bounces around the small amount of light that makes it through the cloud cover and makes it seem like there is more sunlight to be had for all. when it doesn't snow, i can tell no difference between my blinds being open or being closed, and this makes me sad. it makes my plants very sad. they like the snow as well.

something happened to me on return to this fair city. i forgot everything. i have lived here for a year and a half. being gone for 5 weeks over break caused me to forget all of the street names of this place. when the taxi driver who doesn't believe in louisiana asked me the best way to get home i was struck dumb. i could visualize it, but i couldn't for the life of me name any major street to get to my home. if i had stayed 6 weeks would i have even known where to fly back to? i imagine myself in new orleans right now trying to figure out what i am forgetting to do.

i had a few dreams recently that i was able to run really well, almost like flying. really fast and comfortable, the exact opposite of how that goes for me in real life. don't get me started (my body was not made to run.) but these dreams were so pleasurable, that i actually forgot they were dreams and sort of understood that i could run (like when you have a dream fight with someone and you are angry at them once awake without remembering why.) so i realized recently that i couldn't really run, i remembered my dreams. but i still REALLY wanted to go. so i went to the gym last week in the first time in months and months and i ran on one of those machines and it was awesome. it was actually pleasurable! i have been craving going back. i will go tonight or tomorrow. i am still not a runner but i sort of understand why so many people like it so much. thanks, dreams! now i will try having my teeth fall out and showing up for a final exam of a class i never attended for some reason, maybe mostly naked.

here i am, kids.

hi friends. i was really burnt out the last few weeks of school last semester... november december sort of time. school was finishing up and i was juggling my time management skills and performing feats. i made it through with minimal damage and collapsed into my winter break. i left immediately and spent all of my break back home and down in the big easy, baby. i can't tell you how nice my month off was. it is still hard for me to accept being back in my dreary town, back at school, huh? thinking about coming back here actually made me sick to my stomach, nervous like how i used to feel when i was a kid before going back to school after a holiday, or even a weekend, pretty much every night and morning before school when i was younger. i hadn't experienced that sense of dread in relation to school in so many, many years that it freaked me out even more. i am at the halfway point of a three year program. i am ready to be done, but i am also leary of how little time i actually have before i must submit my thesis and get dumped out into the real world again. i hated the real world. will my mfa put me in a better place than where i was before i came here? last semester was just a real drain. this one is looking better already. i looked at my class requirements for the first time since i got here and basically figured more or less what i have to take for my remaining 3 semesters. the end is in sight. my class today looks like it will be really great for me. right now it is just myself, one other person, and the professor. i enjoyed the first class so much, it is basically a theory class focusing on contemporary theory in relation to some art historical movements, combined with studio work. since the class is so small we are going to meet at a coffee shop to start next week's class off. i think it will be a challenging and exciting class, but also relaxed and catered to what we are interested in talking about. at my undergraduate school there was little to no art theory classes, especially in contemporary theory, and it is no better here. the sculpture professor teaching this class is new here this year and he has some really interesting ideas and is so excited about the work he is making and the research he does. it is so refreshing and hard for that excitement to not be contagious. on the painting side of things, i am also very excited with the professor this semester. she is the only female faculty in my department and i have not worked with her before, but her excellent reputation around here made me very excited to work with her. we have met once as a group and once individually and she seems like someone i will get a lot from working with. my third class hasn't met yet, but it a required class that is notoriously laid back and should allow me more time to get in the studio.

it was great to see my family and best friend kim so much while home. i am sorry i didn't get to see much of anyone else. i can't explain my lack of motivation to more effectively seek friends out. i was a major homebody, i am only home once or twice a year and i just needed to decompress. but i loved seeing everyone that i did. you jerks are alright.

new orleans was amazing, great to be able to spend some siginificant time down there with my man. i am usually not able to visit for more than a week or so. we had much of the good times and the weather was fabulous compared to up north. the day i left it was such an incredible day i could easily have worn shorts and a tshirt. of course, coming back to school... the plane dropped below the thick and more or less permanent set of clouds covering this city and i remembered how incredibly dark and cold this place is. the cab driver that drove me home asked of new orleans. he wanted to know if bourbon street was a real place. i told him that it was real, a part of a place called the french quarter. he seemed uncertain so i mentioned jazz fest and mardi gras. "oh, mardi gras," he says, "i think i have heard of that." he was very sweet and very sincere. ah yes, the myth of bourbon street.

well, i just wanted to write a bit since i am back home, recovering from last semester and break with some time before the next round sets in. i hope everyone had good holidays, exciting times, nice long breaks when possible. keep up the good work. happiness for days. deep tissue massages for your emotions. hang in there kitty. casual roundhouses and figure fours for you all. love, me.