Goin' Great!

So, surprise, I have basically ignored this place again. I have worthy excuses, but it comes down to me wondering what I do here. I started this blog out of boredom and loneliness. I was going through some rough times and had just moved across the country to try something out. But I struggle with this format and my simultaneous desire to connect with friends and maintain my personal and professional privacy from spambots and the creeps of the world. I have been thinking I might try something new when I move, maybe something that isn't so anonymous, something I could share with my family and colleagues (once I get some of those). I wonder if I could maintain something like that any better. I sort of doubt it, but I'll mull it over. I don't want to kill my little blog, I just don't feel like I have enough time in a day for everything, and I would like to use it as well as possible. I am torn between having a blog my mom could read and being able to curse as much as I want. Cursing seemed pretty important when I started this, but I miss my mom. And I have this imagined perception of my profile as an artist, what comes up when my name is googled sort of thing, that keeps me swathed in my ninja mask of secrecy. Not that I imagine I say anything groundbreaking or of mild interest here, but I would like a gallery to represent me someday, hopefully soon, and want as little of a non-art footprint of me on the web as possible. I am sure most people think these same things, I feel like a fool for dwelling on it long, so I typically just ignore the whole topic and my blog.

Also, I am not very exciting.

In contrast to that statement, however, (I have to mix it up occasionally) I will soon be Mrs. Casual Passion! (Or more likely Ms. Casual Ninja Passion or the like) Hooray for us! We are both too busy with school to do much about it right now, but we will, and that is exciting.

The Great Cross Country Move and New City Caper becomes more of a reality as the months pass and graduation approaches. It is such a relief to see the light at the end of so many tunnels at once. It blinds me with happiness! I look for jobs, I apply for jobs, I care little for the turnout as long as I am there and not here. I would be happy to have an assortment of part time jobs: ideally there would be some variety of teaching, design, or arts admin, but hell I would be fine with almost anything. Again... not caring as long as I am there and not here. What times await! We are closing in on our living arrangements, which is one less thing to stress about and one more thing to look forward to. I love you, New Place!

And I will install my thesis exhibition in three weeks. Thrilling and nerve-wracking! Will it be completed in time? Who can say! Will the corresponding paper be written? Let's hope so! I am on spring break this week, and have already begun feeling more productive and on track than I possibly can during the normal span of the semester. It is a relief to have no obligation other than to make work, this is what I had envisioned when I pictured graduate school. No work, no classes, just time in the studio and to myself. I even have time to have some fun and be occasionally lazy without feeling guilty. I played a video game today! Girl Gone Wild! SPRING BREAK! WOOO!

I know what you're thinking. Take it easy, girlfriend. But I have my groove back! I went ice skating today with some friends. It was enjoyable and suitably clumsy. My right leg and ankle are sore from skating in the same circular direction for so long. There was this little boy whose parents basically dropped him at the rink unsupervised and sat off in the distance reading the New Yorker. He was cutting back and forth across the diameter of the rink as fast as he could with no regard for lanes or the safety of others, I called him Bullet and waited to be knocked on my ass by a baby. In regards to the other, more cautious children: there were these adorable little contraptions that looked like little walkers, but were meant to help the little ones stay upright on the ice. So there were all these cringingly cute kids wearing helmets (one little girl's had flames shooting across it) and pushing walkers across the ice. I couldn't stop pointing them out, despite there being dozens of them, yet no one seemed to find them as amazing and noteworthy as I did. Babies! With Helmets! And Walkers! On Ice!

It was something like this web photo, but the helmets and sheer number of them made it so much more painfully cute:


Speaking of helmets, I have been growing my hair out for Locks of Love. It is taking a lot longer to get 10 inches worth than I had possibly imagined. It started off with me being too poor to afford a haircut, then it turned into wondering what long hair would be like again after so many years with short hair, which evolved into thinking I should help a worthwhile cause... what's a few more months? But it is difficult. I have personal ties to alopecia and the effects of cancer treatments and it is hard on anyone to lose their hair, but especially kids. It is heartbreaking to see a little one dealing with not having eyebrows and eyelashes, let alone hair on their head. But I can sort of help with that part, just a little bit. Maybe part of one wig. So I remind myself of this when I am frustrated with this mop. I can't wait to cut it down, I miss short hair, but this thing is happening. You better appreciate this, children!

My thesis exhibition will be up from early April through mid-May, so if any of you fine folks have reason to pass through my neck of the woods during that window, drop me a line and I will give you all of the dirt. I am planning to have a solo show at the gallery I run to correspond with part of the official thesis show, so you could potentially see not one, not three, but TWO shows of my work! A true value at thrice the price!

See you soon.

Hey Homies.
As I wrote the word "homie," I wondered if the kids still use that term, and if it still means what I think it means. My computer tells me it means "a homeboy or homegirl." I like getting my computer to tell me stupid things. You are a fool, applebot.

So, Homeboy or Homegirl, I have missed you. I am on my last winter break of my student career (unless I go back for the punchline that is a PhD in Studio Art. Yes, it exists. But don't worry, I won't.) Breaks are the best part of school. I suppose I will continue to reap this succulent waste of time if I pull a professorship somewhere, but as that is uncertain, I carpe diem all over this thing. I am visiting Professor Passion in his Fortress of Spinozatude. In a short time we will break this huddle to visit our respective families, eventually returning to formation in the midwest to see old friends. That means you!

This being the first real free time I have had in a while, I thought I should write a little something down in this bloog. What, you ask? No idea. On the drive here I passed under a bridge called Fangboner Road. I laughed at this for a solid 5 minutes alone in my car, and was able to cheer myself up at any point during the remaining drive by just thinking about it. What a great name for a road, pet, or child. I call dibs. You better not all have bebies and call them Fangboner, I don't want to start any trends. I also drove past Bong Recreation Area. I found this less entertaining, but wondered if this name had come about through some sort of committee of well-intentioned boobs. I am sure the Bong family were pillars etc, they would be very happy with their recreation area, but come on. The name begs for cops and uninspired highschool students.

Speaking of uninspired.

30 Rock - Werewolf Bar Mitzvah

I saw this show this past Thursday. This made me laugh. I forgot about it until today, at which point I couldn't get it out of my head. p.s. I got a youtube account so I could post this. It really was good for a smile all day.

quarterly report

so i can't believe how long it has been since i posted on this thing. i knew it had been a while, but noting that the baby who was born on the day of my last post is now finishing his phd is humbling. i suck at this. i say this everytime, but i really do. thanks to anyone who still checks this occasionally, hi. i was inspired to write again by professor passion's newfound passion for blog updates. his have cheered me immensely and i thought i should join that hot party.

i have had a lot going on since my last post. i know everyone does, but this was an especially chaotic summer. i won't bore my three readers with all the fine details. but as i have nothing nice to write about just now, i will present my summer in a paragraph.

basically: finished classes and sacrified a freakin yard full of goats in thanks that the year was over. spent a week in nyc for a summer class, looked at art for ALL of it, got all comfy with that fairly intimidating city, caught up a bit with a friend from olden days, got insanely sick from that dirty city. after that, i was able to spend the WHOLE summer with my boyfriend, prof. passion aka young buck invincible aka commander cool, which was the celebrated highlight of the summer. we traveled over all of creation. all of it! via car, train, airplane, and moving van. i am not even counting all of the hovercrafting and competitive hot air ballooning we did (those are lies.) we visited every member of his immediate family in all their various cities, almost every member of mine, packed up and moved several houses, went whalewatching and raquetballing and farmer's marketing and zoo walking and drunk getting and baseball gaming and kayaking and berry picking and family quality timing, watched movies and played video games for the first time in a year or so, walked up a pretty exciting waterfall and more frequently around a slightly less exciting pond, sat by the world's loveliest koi pond with the world's foremost expert on catfishology, c-dogg, caught up with my best girl and her best husband and their best new baby (while accidently wearing a completely matching outfit as the baby, might i add), received our friend dr. top secret in lush new mysterious accommodations up north, as well as a set of parents. am i forgetting any shout-outs? it was hard to be on the road all the time, i like to be able to just sit and gaze at commander cool for uninterrupted days. it was hard for other reasons too, but i was happy to see everyone and thanks for being such friends.

i am back at school now, and i must admit i find it horribly depressing. i have some hopes that this will be a good last year and that things will be okay. i just want to get through it. i am ready to get on with my life and this just isn't the place to do it. so, i will try to post again soon when i am a bit cheerier of outlook. i will try my best to post. i hope my failures as a blogger are endearing and not endlessly appalling. i know it's pretty annoying, but just think of them as quarterly reports and they won't seem so infrequent. peace out.

BABY!

My best friend and her husband had their first baby this morning! He is healthy and she is too, everyone is happy and I am so excited and proud. They are down south and I am up north, so it will be a while before I can see the little guy, but I feel like giving everyone oldtimey cigars and hugs. HUGS! Good job, baby.

Yesterday was my last day of classes and I am still a bit dazed. I made it through my second year of graduate school, only one more to go. I am at work right now, maybe my last day? Not much left to do, the design jobs all are finished, just been cleaning up my computer files, destroying evidence, etc. I am not sure if I am supposed to come in next week or not... it seems like the sort of thing where I am technically supposed to be here for one more week, but my boss is nice so he may tell me to just go do my thing. I am so ready to do my thing. I just want to be outside right now, sitting on rooftops or porches, eating grilled things and walking a lot with no destination. I went to the gym yesterday and smelled the chlorine from the pool and got all psyched for some swimming action, my bike tires are reinflated, basically my brain is sitting on the dock at a lake having a nice cold beer even though I may be sitting in this office typing to you.

oh my god girls watch out for that shark

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Only two more weeks of school, my friends. There are many things to hate about school, but summer vacation is not one of them. This is what academia is all about, summer break. If anyone tells you otherwise they are lying. The weather has finally become spring-like and lovely here, my spirits soar like a young eagle. My mental well-being is so closely tied to the weather that it concerns me, but only briefly as I am on a sunshine high. A mere week ago there was a blizzard here, a nor'easter, and I harvested all of the flowers in my yard so they would die in a vase in my house rather than out in the snow. I was not cheered. Being without sunlight for so long makes me giddy to have it. I can't imagine living in Barrow, Alaska. School has been a marvelous joke, a wonderful joke. I sit in critiques and laugh in my head at the joke, trying to keep my brow from furrowing with anger and frustration as it should. Can I get into specifics? No. I am a paranoid ninja. My birthday. I promised tales of my birthday. I lied when I said I enjoyed it as much as a baby panda enjoys his first. Do you see how happy he is with that cake? I have never been that happy with cake. My birthday was far less descript. I received calls and cards and gifts from my loved ones, all so sweet. I love getting mail, I am always excited to check it even though it is usually just coupons or bills. So getting packages and colorful envelopes was lovely. The cards are all sitting next to my vase of flowers that I saved from the snow. I spent my birthday in the studio, getting lots of good work done. Some friends had me over for pizza and apple pie and a nerdy board game that night. It was a very wholesome nice time. School was too overwhelming to have a party as I did last year, however I might have a small gathering this week to celebrate the belated birthday and the majority of my critiques and second year reviews being over as of this Wednesday. Get thee behind me, Reviews. This should be a stressful week, and in many ways it is. In other ways I am just laughing at that joke in my head and this all seems just fine. Summer break arrives in two weeks regardless of how this week goes. So this birthday was unnoteworthy but somewhat arbitrarily it seemed like a significant one the more I thought about it, simply because there were big changes in my life 10 years ago. Namely, leaving my parents' house and going off to college, and all of the things that came along with that. Then there is that thing where it feels like a lifetime ago... so much about who I am was determined in those years, but at the same time it is odd to conceive of that chunk of time passing. Here I come, next chunk! You better be good!
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enjoying my birthday like a baby panda enjoys his first.

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yesterday was my birthday and i was busy eating cake all day. ALL DAY. i will write more on this and the adventures and mishaps of spring break 2007 promptly. today is my studio day and it beckons me. but so do you, dear reader.

These dogs have the right idea.

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I am so ready for some warm weather. I know New Orleans is no Hawaii, but I plan to wear the hell out of my grass skirts and leis. No more snow for this dogg.

P.S. I am trying to capitalize in a more traditional way. Do you like me more now?

strange days

it's been a weird few weeks. i have been overwhelmed with the usual parade of events and also some uncommon ones. i was planning a trip to go to new york city, there was an arts conference and it seemed like a good excuse to go. i had a ride and a place to stay, so i thought i would see if there was any art or alcohol hidden away in the city as had been foretold. then i received some sad news, the friend i was planning to stay with had someone very close to him die. i somewhat knew the person who had passed away, just through friends and many years ago, but i had always liked this person very much. my friend would be out of town for the funeral. i could have found another place to stay, but i was quite saddened by the news and decided to stay home. nature confirmed this by snowing me in for a few days with many feet of snow. i spent my days trying to shovel my car out while the plows spent their days blocking my car in. it was a fun game, i guess you'd have to be there. i was stuck in my house as walking was pretty ridiculous as well, snow up to the hips and shoulders and whatnot, dangerous roads and unshoveled sidewalks, all good. i had many critiques in a row to prepare for that week, so it was really superb timing. the first day i was able to get my car out, i managed to lock my keys in my car while out running an errand. i found a guy with one of those bars to break into cars, but he couldn't get in (a good thing i guess for my car's security?) i walked home thinking i could break into my house for a spare key. of course i had left my gloves, scarf, and hat in the car along with my laptop. my hands were so cold trying to pry my house windows open, i couldn't feel them. i started sort of freaking out in my head and weighing my options. i was able to get my hands warmed again with some survival guide fanfare. i decided to ask a stranger shoveling nearby for a screwdriver when i ran into someone i knew who helped me break in. i cannot remember the last time i felt that sort of relief to just be inside. being locked out in the frigid cold was causing some definite monkey terror in my head. i walked back to my car in the dark with my spare set of keys, only to find that my battery was now dead. $50 jumpstart later, my fifteen minute errand ran me around four hours and more realistically cost me the day, as i spent the remainder of my night warming up on my couch, appreciating heat and electricity and food. as far as the critiques i was preparing for, they were polar opposites and left me feeling extremely excited and extremely angry, respectively. we held a dance at the gallery this weekend, more specifically, a prom. the main points being that proms at this age are fun and we also needed to have a fundraiser. it was a lot of work getting ready for it, but it went really well and will help us make rent, and aside from that it was fabulous. i was able to borrow a mirrored disco ball for the event, and punch bowls for spiked punch, there were lots of streamers, balloons, etc. i love an excuse to get dressed up and pull out the old elbow-length gloves. i also love an excuse to dance. it was nice to let off some steam from the last few weeks. i am planning a trip to N.O. for spring break to see the young buck invincible and i am so ready. i'll leave this week and it is hard to get my work done here, i can't keep my mind on the tasks at hand. then he is coming right up to see me in this winter paradise! we really had our act together this year in the spring break trip planning department. oh, i also have been working out pretty regularly lately and wanted to comment on women in the locker room that put on as much of their clothes as they possibly can before putting on underwear. what is that? have you noticed this? this one woman practically had her snowboots and parka on but was still bare-assed. what? i talked to the professor and he says it is not limited to the ladies locker room. perplexing.

happy valentine's day, kali ma.

more good news!

i'm not sure if you all have heard, but there was a tornado that touched down in new orleans this morning. professor passion's neighborhood was trashed, but he is okay and his house is okay. i was only able to talk to him for a second because he has no electricity and his cell was dying, but i didn't want anyone to worry. i am sure he will share his tales and adventures once things are back to normal. "normal" i guess, since we're talking about the big easy, baby, and they do things a bit differently down there. what the hell. thank goodness he is a young buck invincible.

i express my feelings best with this photoshop fan art:

bitter cold

they keep using the term bitter cold on the weather and it is true. i am in my home with the heat cranked up wearing a hat and two scarves. TWO! and a sweatercoat. SWEATERCOAT! it is truly bitter. when it snows here it is usually like being in a giagantic snow globe. the lake effect snow (as lovely associate of the year #1 pointed out) is a day to day occurance in these parts. it make this small ugly town look like a giant ugly snowglobe. it is good in many ways... the snow covers up much of the ugliness of the abandoned industrial nature of this place. it also very nicely bounces around the small amount of light that makes it through the cloud cover and makes it seem like there is more sunlight to be had for all. when it doesn't snow, i can tell no difference between my blinds being open or being closed, and this makes me sad. it makes my plants very sad. they like the snow as well.

something happened to me on return to this fair city. i forgot everything. i have lived here for a year and a half. being gone for 5 weeks over break caused me to forget all of the street names of this place. when the taxi driver who doesn't believe in louisiana asked me the best way to get home i was struck dumb. i could visualize it, but i couldn't for the life of me name any major street to get to my home. if i had stayed 6 weeks would i have even known where to fly back to? i imagine myself in new orleans right now trying to figure out what i am forgetting to do.

i had a few dreams recently that i was able to run really well, almost like flying. really fast and comfortable, the exact opposite of how that goes for me in real life. don't get me started (my body was not made to run.) but these dreams were so pleasurable, that i actually forgot they were dreams and sort of understood that i could run (like when you have a dream fight with someone and you are angry at them once awake without remembering why.) so i realized recently that i couldn't really run, i remembered my dreams. but i still REALLY wanted to go. so i went to the gym last week in the first time in months and months and i ran on one of those machines and it was awesome. it was actually pleasurable! i have been craving going back. i will go tonight or tomorrow. i am still not a runner but i sort of understand why so many people like it so much. thanks, dreams! now i will try having my teeth fall out and showing up for a final exam of a class i never attended for some reason, maybe mostly naked.

here i am, kids.

hi friends. i was really burnt out the last few weeks of school last semester... november december sort of time. school was finishing up and i was juggling my time management skills and performing feats. i made it through with minimal damage and collapsed into my winter break. i left immediately and spent all of my break back home and down in the big easy, baby. i can't tell you how nice my month off was. it is still hard for me to accept being back in my dreary town, back at school, huh? thinking about coming back here actually made me sick to my stomach, nervous like how i used to feel when i was a kid before going back to school after a holiday, or even a weekend, pretty much every night and morning before school when i was younger. i hadn't experienced that sense of dread in relation to school in so many, many years that it freaked me out even more. i am at the halfway point of a three year program. i am ready to be done, but i am also leary of how little time i actually have before i must submit my thesis and get dumped out into the real world again. i hated the real world. will my mfa put me in a better place than where i was before i came here? last semester was just a real drain. this one is looking better already. i looked at my class requirements for the first time since i got here and basically figured more or less what i have to take for my remaining 3 semesters. the end is in sight. my class today looks like it will be really great for me. right now it is just myself, one other person, and the professor. i enjoyed the first class so much, it is basically a theory class focusing on contemporary theory in relation to some art historical movements, combined with studio work. since the class is so small we are going to meet at a coffee shop to start next week's class off. i think it will be a challenging and exciting class, but also relaxed and catered to what we are interested in talking about. at my undergraduate school there was little to no art theory classes, especially in contemporary theory, and it is no better here. the sculpture professor teaching this class is new here this year and he has some really interesting ideas and is so excited about the work he is making and the research he does. it is so refreshing and hard for that excitement to not be contagious. on the painting side of things, i am also very excited with the professor this semester. she is the only female faculty in my department and i have not worked with her before, but her excellent reputation around here made me very excited to work with her. we have met once as a group and once individually and she seems like someone i will get a lot from working with. my third class hasn't met yet, but it a required class that is notoriously laid back and should allow me more time to get in the studio.

it was great to see my family and best friend kim so much while home. i am sorry i didn't get to see much of anyone else. i can't explain my lack of motivation to more effectively seek friends out. i was a major homebody, i am only home once or twice a year and i just needed to decompress. but i loved seeing everyone that i did. you jerks are alright.

new orleans was amazing, great to be able to spend some siginificant time down there with my man. i am usually not able to visit for more than a week or so. we had much of the good times and the weather was fabulous compared to up north. the day i left it was such an incredible day i could easily have worn shorts and a tshirt. of course, coming back to school... the plane dropped below the thick and more or less permanent set of clouds covering this city and i remembered how incredibly dark and cold this place is. the cab driver that drove me home asked of new orleans. he wanted to know if bourbon street was a real place. i told him that it was real, a part of a place called the french quarter. he seemed uncertain so i mentioned jazz fest and mardi gras. "oh, mardi gras," he says, "i think i have heard of that." he was very sweet and very sincere. ah yes, the myth of bourbon street.

well, i just wanted to write a bit since i am back home, recovering from last semester and break with some time before the next round sets in. i hope everyone had good holidays, exciting times, nice long breaks when possible. keep up the good work. happiness for days. deep tissue massages for your emotions. hang in there kitty. casual roundhouses and figure fours for you all. love, me.

baby + turkey = turkeybaby

REMORSEFUL

i looked up remorseful on google images. i am remorseful that i have yet again gone a month without blogging. i found these pictures that express my feelings.







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i hope we can work through this.

since i last blogged i visited new orleans and duck island. i saw the professor's new pad and it is the best. i did not hurt my feet walking all over the land, as he is now much closer to the places we like to go. and he has ceilings that are taller than any i have ever seen.

i participated in a clothing swap party. ladies, this is a fabulous invention. you basically take clothes that you don't want anymore and exchange them for ones you do. i already had a huge trash bag full of clothes to take to the goodwill, so i took it to this party instead. i ended up coming home with the garbage bag still full, but this time with clothes i wanted. i got some great stuff and it was nice to see some of my handmedowns get a good home. also, i had a chance to drink wine in the afternoon with some artsy gals and listen to good music. it also is a great get-to-know-you game to get semiundressed with ladies you have just met. here is a site that has more info if you are interested in having one. http://www.getcrafty.com/home_nakedlady.php

i was in an exhibition with a group of printmakers that i am currently in a class with. i did quite a bit of printmaking in undergrad, and i played with the idea of pursuing it to some extent in graduate school, but this will be my last class. i really don't care for it. to make an unfair but accurate generalization, i feel that people that are drawn to printmaking care too much about really unimportant things. i don't care about the type of paper or how it will be hung, printmakers in general are obsessed with paper and presentation, or a so-slight color change that god himself could not notice but they insist it will create or destroy the piece. i don't care. i really really don't care. i had an INFORMAL critique in class and the prof wanted to talk about the fact that the work was hung with binder clips. it's a fucking trashed corkboard, we are all sitting around it on broken chairs and tables, and binder clips should be discussed over the artwork? no, i am done. in that same critique, my work was criticized for being too well done... i was told the colors were too beautiful, it was too well composed, and the pieces each worked on their own or together. therefore, i was using a "bag of tricks" to make "starbucks art." fucking hell. fucking fucking fuck. i sort of hate school right now so i might wait to write on this matter until i feel better.

we had a concert at the gallery last week, some bands from portland and a few local acts. awesome show, great turnout. it was supposed to be a halloween concert, with costumes, and a dance party afterwards. i was the only one who dressed up. what is wrong with people? there were three guys that came in costume towards the end of the night, but for the majority of the evening i was on my own. i came up with my costume a half hour before the show so i was a cowgirl. western shirt, wranglers, bandana, cowboy boots, pin from the 1981 rodeo, pigtails, and a black eye. not terribly creative, but it was something and i try to always have a black eye for halloween. the people from one of the bands were mostly wearing western shirts, and since no one was in costume i just looked like a groupie in an abusive relationship. happy halloween, everybody.